Changes are Coming

Well, my oldest sister in law just announced that she's pregnant with her second baby. I'm still trying to figure out how this makes me feel. I'm not even sure if I really am happy for her or not. All I know is that it doesn't seem fair. She's overweight like I am. Our husbands are brothers. There's not much different between our situations except she can have children, and I apparently never will.

It makes me feel mad and bitter and that things just aren't fair. I know life isn't fair. I know that things suck from time to time for everybody, but her life just seems so charmed. She never had issues getting into England despite being American too. She's never had issues getting pregnant. She didn't struggle to get a job after moving here. I had so many problems trying to visit my now husband. She overstayed her visa and was still allowed to come in for two more weeks. I'd only been here for two months, and the border control people almost didn't let me in. She got pregnant on the very first try with her first. My husband and I have been trying for about two years and nothing. She got a job the first month she got here. It took me two years to get a job, and it's only part time.

Now she's pregnant with her second, and it's just so not fair. I really wish I could go back to America. At least then, I'd have my family around me. I'd have the support from them to get through this tough time. Best of all, I'd never have to see either of my sisters-in-law pregnant again.

It might be time for my husband and I to reconsider our situation. I know I need to lose weight in order to get IUI or IVF on the NHS. I know things are going to have to change. Hopefully, I've started to make those changes. The dietician's plan ended up not working for me so I have now joined Weight Watchers. I'm also trying to figure out which Fitbit to get. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. I also found a Zumba class in town on Mondays and Thursdays that I want to join.

My goal is that by the time my sister in law has this baby, I will be on my way to having my own. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. I feel more committed now than ever before. My determination has reawakened, and it's going to happen. I know there are people on my side, and I have faith in myself. I know it's going to happen this year!