Yesterday was Mother's Day in the UK. This is the day that we are supposed to be thankful for our mothers. I am so incredibly thankful and blessed and about a million other words for my mom. She really is the best mom I could ever have. However as a woman who wants to be a mom so bad, Mother's Day is an incredibly hard day.
All day long, I saw moms pushing their babies in prams and adult children going to visit their moms. Since my mom is in the US and I'm in the UK, I didn't have anybody to go visit. That's not what made it so hard though. Watching all those women with their babies walking reminded me of everything I don't have. I don't have a baby to dress up in the clothes I just bought. I don't have a kid who is dependent on me for anything. I don't have a small warm child sleeping in a basket. Although this is an incredibly romanticised version of what it is to be a parent, I don't have that. All I have is an empty womb and an empty room. I have baby clothes that may never be worn and a blanket that may never be used.
Depsite all of this, I have to keep on going. I have to keep applying for jobs. I have to keep cleaning the house. I have to keep exercising . I have to keep living living my life so that when I do have my baby, I can be the mom I truly want to be.
I'm not going to lie though. I did have a break down and cry after watching through the window all the people going by with their children. I cried and G had to comfort me. He always tells me that we'll get there. It's easier to believe him sometimes than to get upset. I had a nice long cry about it though.
So what did G and I do instead of celebrating Mother's Day? After my little break down, we went to Homebase and bought some flowers for the garden and went grocery shopping. It was nice being out and about without all the people and kids. I think I saw only one child the whole time we were shopping. It was very nice.
Also, my tomato seedlings are slowly dying. Anybody have any advice on making my seedlings grow nice and big? Thanks!
Monday, March 31, 2014
Friday, March 28, 2014
What We Bought
Last night, G and I bought the first thing for our baby. You might be thinking that it's a little premature considering we don't even know if we're able to get pregnant. I know G thinks so, but I think otherwise.
I know that one way or another, G and I are going to have a baby. It could be next year or it could be five years from now. Either way, we're going to have a baby to take care of and love. Why spend hundreds of pounds in nine months when I can spread that costs over the next year or so? G begrudgingly admits I have a point.
So what is it that we bought for our future bundle of joy? It isn't anything super spectacular, but it is definitely something our baby is going to need: clothes. We found a 7-piece set at Asda (the British Walmart) for just £10. I don't know if this is a good deal or not, but it made me even more excited. It has scratch mitts, a hat, a sleeper suit, a top, leggings, a bib, and a babygrow. I think the babygrow is my favorite. It has a grey elephant with a polka dot ear. It says "perfectly little" on it. Our baby is going to be perfectly little.
I don't know if G and I will buy something every month. We might buy something only every once in a while. All I know is that, our baby is going to be gorgeous in his or her new clothes.
I'm so excited though! We're about to go shopping at one of my favourite clothing stores in the UK. They have a baby section there, and I might have to convince G to buy something else for Maybe!
For those of you reading who already have babies, what was the best way to store baby clothes? Did you wash them right away or did you wait?
For those of you waiting for your definitely baby, have you bought anything yet? Will you wait until you're pregnant or will you try to spread out the cost like we are?
Until next time,
~Megan
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
To My Future Baby
A couple of weeks ago, I started a notebook filled with letters to my future baby. I usually try to write in it at least once a week. I even managed to convince G to write a letter to our maybe baby. I've decided to share one of my letters with you.
24 February 2014
To my future baby:
Today you are not even conceived (at least not to your mummy and daddy's knowledge), but you are loved. Your daddy and I pray for you every night. We pray for you to be healthy, smart and kind. We pray that you'll be happy and willing to help other. I pray that you'll have your daddy's pretty blue eyes, and he hopes you get my nose. I also pray that you get my ability to listen.
We have been praying and hoping for you for almost 9.5 months. It's almost unbelievable to me that int he time we're been waiting for you, you could already be here. We try to be patient and confident in God's promise to us, but it is so hard. All I've ever wanted is your daddy and you. The two of you are and will be the most important people in the world to Mummy. I can't wait to meet you, Baby. I look forward to the day that you are in my arms. My heart fill with so much love just thinking about it. I can't wait to sing songs to you. Hopefully, they will be better than the songs I currently sing to your cousin E. I know you've already heard it. I just need to keep the faith you'll be here. Mummy and Daddy hope it's soon.
24 February 2014
To my future baby:
Today you are not even conceived (at least not to your mummy and daddy's knowledge), but you are loved. Your daddy and I pray for you every night. We pray for you to be healthy, smart and kind. We pray that you'll be happy and willing to help other. I pray that you'll have your daddy's pretty blue eyes, and he hopes you get my nose. I also pray that you get my ability to listen.
We have been praying and hoping for you for almost 9.5 months. It's almost unbelievable to me that int he time we're been waiting for you, you could already be here. We try to be patient and confident in God's promise to us, but it is so hard. All I've ever wanted is your daddy and you. The two of you are and will be the most important people in the world to Mummy. I can't wait to meet you, Baby. I look forward to the day that you are in my arms. My heart fill with so much love just thinking about it. I can't wait to sing songs to you. Hopefully, they will be better than the songs I currently sing to your cousin E. I know you've already heard it. I just need to keep the faith you'll be here. Mummy and Daddy hope it's soon.
With all the love in the world,
Mummy
I don't write a lot to Maybe, but I hope that one day Maybe will look back on these letters and realise the he or she was loved even before he or she was conceived. I try to write about things that are going on in our lives. I tell Maybe about the weather, things I hope we can do in the future. I've even written Maybe a letter about something bad that happened. The days I write about are days that Maybe will never experience so I want to capture those days for him or her. Our maybe baby is already such a part of our lives that I want him or her to know about them. In fact, I'm going to write Maybe another letter now telling him or her about G's last doctor's appointment. I'll write about it here soon.
~MEGAN
Friday, March 21, 2014
About Us
Hi! My name is Megan, and I am 26 years old. My husband who will be referred to as G is 36 years old. We have been trying to have a baby for almost a year. Every month that we ttc, we start talking about our "maybe baby." We haven't been blessed with any pregnancies in the last 10 months, but we're hoping to have our "definitely baby" soon.
Recently, G was diagnosed with possible low testosterone. He is going to the doctor next week to have his levels checked. One of the side effect of low testosterone is a low sex drive. As you probably know, this is not a good thing when you're trying to have a baby. He's also being tested for a few other things. When G was about 7 years old, he was diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma, a type of cancer, in his inner ear. He underwent both radiotherapy and chemotherapy. Because of the location of the cancer, the radiotherapy may have affected his pituitary gland which affects hormone regulation. Almost 30 years later, and he's still being regularly tested to make sure the cancer doesn't come back. I am so grateful to the NHS for this.
One of the results of his cancer is that we don't know a lot about his abilities to produce children. Since we are so close to the one year mark, his doctor has decided it's time to run some tests to find out. Besides the blood test, G will also have a semen analysis within the next three months which is when his next appointment is due to take place. I, of course, would like for his appointment to be sooner, but I'll take what I can get. Like one of the kids I used to teach said, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." We are for sure going back in June to see this doctor though. Based on the tests G is taking, we'll hopefully be that much closer to our definitely baby.
I am being tested for polycystic ovarian syndrome. This condition is marked by irregular cycles. I have only been having this problem since moving to the UK from Texas where I have unfortunately gained some weight. The weight gain may be the cause of the irregular cycles, but I have a feeling that there is more to it than that. In addition to the irregular cycles, I've also been having some unexplained bleeding in between my periods. The sooner we get it all figured out, the better off we'll be.
This is just a little bit of background on our medical issues that might have so far might have been the reasons we haven't gotten pregnant yet. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep this blog updated on everything that's going on with our road to having our first baby.
Recently, G was diagnosed with possible low testosterone. He is going to the doctor next week to have his levels checked. One of the side effect of low testosterone is a low sex drive. As you probably know, this is not a good thing when you're trying to have a baby. He's also being tested for a few other things. When G was about 7 years old, he was diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma, a type of cancer, in his inner ear. He underwent both radiotherapy and chemotherapy. Because of the location of the cancer, the radiotherapy may have affected his pituitary gland which affects hormone regulation. Almost 30 years later, and he's still being regularly tested to make sure the cancer doesn't come back. I am so grateful to the NHS for this.
One of the results of his cancer is that we don't know a lot about his abilities to produce children. Since we are so close to the one year mark, his doctor has decided it's time to run some tests to find out. Besides the blood test, G will also have a semen analysis within the next three months which is when his next appointment is due to take place. I, of course, would like for his appointment to be sooner, but I'll take what I can get. Like one of the kids I used to teach said, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." We are for sure going back in June to see this doctor though. Based on the tests G is taking, we'll hopefully be that much closer to our definitely baby.
I am being tested for polycystic ovarian syndrome. This condition is marked by irregular cycles. I have only been having this problem since moving to the UK from Texas where I have unfortunately gained some weight. The weight gain may be the cause of the irregular cycles, but I have a feeling that there is more to it than that. In addition to the irregular cycles, I've also been having some unexplained bleeding in between my periods. The sooner we get it all figured out, the better off we'll be.
This is just a little bit of background on our medical issues that might have so far might have been the reasons we haven't gotten pregnant yet. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep this blog updated on everything that's going on with our road to having our first baby.
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